Quick Thoughts: For Husbands
Some quick thoughts from Chris
Throughout the month we send text messages to couples to encourage them individually, in their marriage, and in their faith. Below are some snippets that our text subscribers receive!
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Did you know that when we receive kind and affirming words it actually changes our physiology and health? Words can bless and heal. It takes just seconds to write a note, card, or text. TAKE ACTION: Put 2 reminders in your calendar to send a kind text or note to your wife. Write something you love about them, a short prayer, or acknowledging something they did for you. It takes just 30 seconds to write-out, but your words will have a lasting impact! Your encouraging note or text carries power and blessing!
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Jamie and I wanted to encourage you to bless (spouse name) this week! After 25 years of marriage we’ve noticed that “I love you” is in the little things. But oftentimes it’s the little chivalrous things that are the first things to go as we become comfortable (or dare I say complacent) over the years. One simple way to say “I love you” is in a few acts of chivalry. Here’s three things (spouse name) might appreciate this week! 1. Open doors for her (especially the car). 2. Help her with her chair before sitting down. 3. Serve her first and clear her plates at meals. TAKE ACTION: Put the words: Doors, Chairs, & Meals on a daily reminder in your calendar. Then see the BIG impact of your little acts of chivalry!
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Sometimes it’s nice to be asked. One thing I try to ask Jamie often, via text or before she leaves for the day, is “Hey, is there one thing I can do for you today that would help?” This question forces Jamie to think about, then communicate what she needs. When I ask and Jamie answers… I know what to do! If I don’t ask, oftentimes I end up guessing what she needs because I don’t know what Jamie is thinking. Asking also communicates that I’m thinking of her and that I want to serve. Plus, if I miss other things that day, at least I can do my one thing! It’s a sure win! TAKE ACTION: Put a reminder in your phone to ask (wife’s name) via text or verbally, “Hey is there one thing I can do for you today that would help?” Then simply do that thing! She will feel seen and served!
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Research shows healthy marriages part well and reunite well. What do I mean? When Jamie and I leave in the morning we try to communicate (verbally or nonverbally) one of these: “I’ll be praying for you today.” or “We’re on the same team.” And, when we reunite after a day’s work, it’s: “I’m excited to see you.” or “How was your day?” Healthy goodbyes and hellos take seconds to say, but have lasting impact. A drawn out hug with the words, “I love doing life with you” or “You are going to crush it today,” is all it takes. When reuniting, initiate a hug and say, “It’s so good to see you.” “Welcome home, Honey!” The day’s challenges wash away in this brief, but significant connection. TAKE ACTION: Think about how you part and reunite with (Spouse name). Try to say “Goodbye” and “Hello” a few times with an intentional hug and kind words.
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Research shows your wife feels closest to you when she feels heard and understood. Most times, when Jamie expresses hurt or frustration (involving me or something else) rather than REALLY listening, my thoughts tend to defend, judge, solve, or tune out. “Jesus listened to her story.” (Mark 5:34) What response would bless her the most? It’s this: “So what I hear you saying is…” then simply repeat your best summary of what she said and how she said she’s feeling (repeating her feelings is super important). Then ask, “Is there more?” Listen again, and repeat the process. Sounds crazy right? It’s not easy, it takes practice, but it works. And it’s the fastest route to your wife feeling like you are on the same team. TAKE ACTION: Practice the listening exercise 2-3 times. Remember it’s a learned skill, not a talent.
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Do you want to bless your wife three times with one simple gesture? I find that initiating this conversation with Jamie has a triple impact. I will simply say, "I was thinking about you today, and I’d love to put a time on the calendar to…” (insert a new shared experience here). It could be a new dinner place, a hike, or a show. When you initiate this, three good things happen. 1. Your wife feels seen because you said, “I was thinking about you.” 2. She’s excited because there’s something to look forward to. 3. She gets to enjoy the fun experience with you. It’s a 3 for 1! TAKE ACTION: Initiate this conversation with your wife. Make sure to start with, “I was thinking of you…” Even if she shuts down your idea, it’s an opportunity to ask her what she’d like to do. Regardless, she will feel blessed.
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Last year, I turned 49. On my birthday, I wandered to the mailbox and grabbed the mail. I had birthday cards from my financial planner and a real estate agent. Both had a short handwritten note, and both made me feel special. I realized we rarely send handwritten cards or letters in the mail. When you get one, it’s a real treat. For just 68 cents and a short walk to the mailbox, you can give her a unique gift. Write a card or letter to her this week. If you don’t know what to write, simply say, “Dear Sweetheart, I wanted to share 10 things I love about you today.” Then make your top-10 list! Sign your name, address the envelope, and send it off. Your words and the surprise of a letter in the mail will bless her. TAKE ACTION: Pull out a card or even a wide-ruled sheet of paper and send your wife a letter in the mail. I promise she will love it.
